I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
