I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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