if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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