jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
COCAINE IS GR8
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
