I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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