Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
