GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
