like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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