why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
