1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Christians are straight up FREAKS
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize