I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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