Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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