Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
