where am i from again
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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