i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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