I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
