i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
