I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
