And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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