So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
