never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
