Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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