P.S. I can't hear my feet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
