you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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