haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
