Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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