Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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