...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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