I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize