ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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