I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
