as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
