and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
