Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
