dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
