Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
