his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
