My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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