at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize