HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
