sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
