I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
