Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
