Where did you get a picture of my penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
