we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize