Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
