My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
