Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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