I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
