i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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