i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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