Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
