You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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