I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
