the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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