Having a random hookup so left but love u
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
