wrigley field is MILF paradise
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
