My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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