i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
