I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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