I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
