youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
