Christians are straight up FREAKS
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
