FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
