Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
