Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
