we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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