Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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