I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
