3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
