so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
